anatomy of a break-up: the end & the beginning

I’ve always imagined break-ups to involve yelling, slamming of things and/or gratuitous hand-gesturing. You know, drama, with all that raw, slow-motion unfolding of feeling. I blame Hollywood.

Or maybe it’s just my lack of experience with it.

As it turns out, the end of my marriage was nothing like that. It played out over the better part of two-and-a-half years, and I wouldn’t have had the energy for quite that much flailing of limbs. When it came down to it, to the moment, it was quiet and rather solemn. Yes, there were tears and denial, a plea and some pain. Questions with few answers. There was a hug in there somewhere. But it was reasonably civil and not a surprise.

I have known for a while that this was coming. It had gotten to the stage where ‘if’ had made way, more and more certainly, for ‘when’. So there was also relief. A sense of empowerment in choosing my way forward. The exhalation of having it all finally out in the open.

In some ways that makes it easier, knowing that I’m sure. My gut tells me so. But there’s a lot to consider and it’s just the beginning. The very beginning of a process I’m bracing myself for. What will we do about the house? Will things get nasty? Who will take the cats? How will others take it? Where do you start to untangle lives entwined, memories shared, secrets told, futures once so vividly pictured and closely held?

Above all else, how will we nurture two young, vulnerable little souls through it?

I’ve been in a relationship with T for 13 years. In among casual boyfriends and drunken, dodgy nightclub pashes, he’s been my one long-term partner. The father of my kids. The keeper and the unraveller of my heart. The one I’ve gradually been releasing from my present and my down-the-track.

My ex.

There are no rose-coloured glasses here. We both know the ‘why’s. It is confronting and difficult and uncomfortable, but it is also right.

Yes, I’ve known this was coming.

In the wash-up of it all, I don’t suppose it really matters how it plays out. Or how prepared you think you are.

It’s still fucking sad.

 

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5 thoughts on “anatomy of a break-up: the end & the beginning

  1. V sorry. Give him Getting Past Your Breakup, or just the blog even. Read it. Changed my life, gave me a direction and directions to deal with my breakup, learn, move on.

  2. Been there. Still sad, but we’re friends. We decided to be a Team when it came to our Kid’s, which has worked really well. I cant give advice about property. My decision was to walk away, and leave it to her, because I wanted my kid’s to have the Geographical Stability I never had.

    I’m not sure how old your kids are, but it will be hard for them to understand. Once again it is Crucial to maintain a united front for them. I speak from experience as a Child whose Parents didn’t, and as a Parent who decided to.

    It’s hard but it will get better… It really will.

    • Thanks James. It’s encouraging to know that others have come out the other side on ok, even good, terms. I think we’ll be able to do that too. Kids are little – both under 5 – so they are most certainly at the centre of our focus.

      It’ll likely be an unpredictable few months ahead. But, like I said, this is ultimately the best thing all round and I am finding at least a little comfort in that.

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